I cannot find my penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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