proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
