You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
