PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
