you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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