Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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