you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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