Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im drinking this country out of the recession.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
