She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize