Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
