not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
