A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is wine microwaveable?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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