I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
