I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
