I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
