I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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