If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
