Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
