my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
