im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
