Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
