do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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