but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
