im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
