And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
