i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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