You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
