i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
