i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
