I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
