even my farts smell like vagina
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
