She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
