I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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