You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
