I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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