dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
