i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
