He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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