All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
