Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
