Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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