yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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