The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
