Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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