My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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