oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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