i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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