my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
