i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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