Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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