she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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