I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
