I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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