Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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