If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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