You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
