don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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