I'm lost and stupid without you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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