I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need a beard to bite.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
