I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
