At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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