i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
