On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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