I want to make a zoo with you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
worst night to have a conscience
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
