good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.