If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
