You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
