we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
