i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
