i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
