I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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