I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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