I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
