my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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