did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My feet surprised me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
