I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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