is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize