I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
