i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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