if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
